In The Gray Twilight eBook

Jeff Drescher was bullied from a young age, by his father and peers. Jeff''s destroyed ego leads him to become a fragile adult, too fragile to be a man around women. The older he gets, the more this problem plagues him. Regarding his sensuality, he comes to a crossroads as to whether he is going to do the manly (hard) thing, in the form of approaching women and dating them (be aggressive); or the unmanly (easy) thing, in the form of masturbation, using a sex doll and other forms of stimulation, like stolen panties. Ultimately, the challenge to become a man the right way is too much for him, as the pull of porn proves to be too strong, and he settles for the unmanly way of masturbation. He soon rationalizes masturbation as his new form of religion, seeing it as a spiritual thing and himself as a beautiful boy, like Jesus. He concludes that manhood is slavery and boyhood is freedom. His single, barren lifestyle, devoid of the feminine element leads him to be accused of homosexuality; worried those around him think he might become a serial killer or remain a weird, gutless wonder; and live as a poor timid spirit who lives in the gray twilight, a male who never makes it as a man.